Have you seen them? The monsters living among us. They are so well integrated into our society that many do not even notice them. It could be your neighbor, your best friend or the love of your life. It could even be you. Reeking of bodily fluids and stale pizza, and with an inferior sense of smell, these beasts watch others of their kind fight to the near death for entertainment. Veins burst from their too tall frames and chemicals that exist in no other human pump through their skin. They walk among us, composing nearly fifty percent of our population. These hideous mutations of biology cannot be avoided except in select areas of department stores and in most kitchens. Yes, the problem is testosterone-pumped, brutish and small-minded men.

These poor creatures are not the way they are on purpose, and cannot be blamed for their situation. It is not their fault that they were born without the second x chromosome necessary for superior intelligence and good taste in clothing. “Male Syndrome” is a degenerative disease passed from father to son through the stunted y chromosome. It causes violent behavior, a shorter life span, and prompts pores to release the strong scent of rotting pizza. No women have ever been infected because of their excellent immune systems. The inferior male variant of Homo Sapien has long been allowed to think they were in control of the world and the female gender. But the time has come to put these poor overgrown children in their place- or out of the picture all together.

Men’s cocky nature and pompous attitudes have caused wars, destroyed the environment and created more demon spawn through violent mating rituals and the passing of the y chromosome. Men do have superior strength, this is true. But this strength is not matched by intelligence and leads men to the incorrect assumption that they are equal to, or even greater then, women. This kind of sexist thinking is unacceptable and another example of men’s piggish manner. Because “Male Syndrome” stunts one of the x chromosomes necessary for intelligent life, men are more susceptible to genetic diseases such as color blindness, which contributes to their extreme lack of fashion sense. They do not menstruate as women do, leading to shorter lifespans and an inability to reproduce. It is obvious that men evolved from women as men still have shriveled breasts attached to their chests, although they are nearly useless for feeding the young they cannot produce. Men are vermin who live in the shadowy corners of society, such as dark alleys and sports bars. And like vermin, their population needs to be kept strict under control.

Women have tried everything. Treating men as superiors worked for a while but increased war and led them to feel too highly of themselves. Letting men believe that they are equal has lately been effective but is not a strong enough measure. The only true, long-term solution to the problem that is men is partial extermination.

The male population should not be killed all at once. While the physical male body is not necessary for the continuation of the human species, their genetic material is. Sperm should be gathered over time and stored for future generations, as the male population is slowly allowed to die. New males who are born through the artificial insemination of females can either be raised in compounds until genetic material can be harvested or used for manual labor. Because natural selection should not be allowed to end, lest the human species cease to evolve, men will live in compounds where they are constantly competing for their lives. Competitions will include hunting, gathering, fighting other men to the death and “expressing feelings.”

A world with out men would be a much better place. Overpopulation would no longer be an issue, and food and water shortages would cease to be a problem. The only reason women ever fight is over men, so peace would reign over this X-chromosome-only utopia. Young females would no longer be distracted by males in school, so a smarter, more intelligent society would develop. The only reason women ever fight is over men, so peace would reign over this X-chromosome-only utopia.

Some express worry that society could not continue without men. Who will protect the children from an alien invasion? Open the pickle jars? Throw the footballs? But women can create peace treaties with aliens, use hammers to open those pesky jars, and footballs aren’t terribly necessary for the survival of society. Within a few generations, no one will miss those smelly brutes. Men will be just a memory.